Love That Exists Between Husband & Wife
Rabbi Eliyahu E. Dessler, in his classic work Michtav MeiEliyahu (Strive For Truth), discusses the love that exists between husband and wife:
“This love [between man and wife] is an amazing power of the soul … At first glance, it would seem that there is no explanation for it, but rather that it is a natural instinct instilled in man by the Creator to insure the survival of mankind, just as He created hunger within man to ensure that he would eat. However, this answer does not suffice; for the physical desires of man, in combination with the natural longing for children, already suffice to ensure the continuance of the species. Why, then, did love between man and wife have to be added?
‘‘I have heard some say that this love is born of hakaras hatov, gratitude. Because a husband and wife assist each other in the fulfillment of their natural urges, they come to love one another. But this explanation, too, is mistaken; for there is no lack of people who do not possess the trait of hakaras hatov, and yet we see that they are not lacking in love for their spouses!
‘‘Thus, we must explain that a husband and wife love one another because they complete each other. It is part of the very nature of man that he is incomplete without a wife; as the Midrash states (Bereishis Rabbah §17), One who has no wife … is not a whole man. One who is single and alone cannot complete his mission in life. It is for this reason that man and wife love each other. As we have explained before, a person who is a ‘giver’ naturally loves the recipient of his gifts. And since enabling one to complete his mission in life is the greatest gift of all, man and wife are naturally inclined to love each other, and to want to make each other happy …
‘‘This is what I always tell couples on the joyous occasion of their wedding: ‘Always strive to please each other, and to give each other pleasure and happiness, as you wish to do at this moment. For as soon as you cease to wish to please each other, and instead begin to demand things of each other, your happiness will flee … ‘If a husband and wife work to always be giving to each other, their lives will be filled with good fortune and happiness.”
This is an excerpt from the Daily Dose of Torah, an 18-minute-a-day learning program.
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